I am enjoying my new job.
The people are wild and woolly; precise and reserved; most seem to be learning and stretching towards something new.
I wonder if I am here now to help streamline work and files or to smile and listen. Sometimes, the idea of finally working towards a Masters degree fills me with excitement and dread. At this point, I don’t know. I have plenty to keep me busy and I do like supporting the people who eddy in through the door.
Sometimes, I wig out a bit (inside).
Am I living my best life?
Using my skills as they are needed now and are those skills still relevant?
Am I relevant?
Should I be “out there” kicking up dust, shaking hands, kissing babies, and changing the world in a more obvious and culturally-expected manner?
The people who pass through the Chapman Center for Rural Studies are warm and the K-State campus is beautiful – an undercurrent of expectation and excitement flows. My mind may be restless, but my heart is at rest.
Time keeps reminding me that it is a finite commodity.
Wednesday, M called and said that K would be joining her and Izzy and Z in Tulsa for a weekend soon. Could I come?
Um yes. Yes, I can. A quick call, two emails, and a web-alert later and my weekend was clear. I cannot afford to miss this invitation to meet my kids and some of the folks we love around a distant table. I hate to disappoint the people who I’d promised to help that weekend, but we have to make the time.
I’d recently said this to a friend and it has boomeranged back in multiples of ten.
We have to make the time.
I feel Time’s acceleration. The longings of my heart may be young, but the crows feet grow with each laugh, squint into the Konza wind, and contemplation of the Purple universe.
Gravity is working.
I am most alive when engaged with good people; listening to conversation that reaches forward, dives deep, and fills a room with energy. I like to be at work and moving forward – bringing people with me.
I’m not sure I want to invest in a life that looks successful on the outside, but feels like “missing out” on the inside.
Not everyone can travel the world, bring life, and write about it. Some do. The peeps at Adventures in Missions do. They are wrecked with a frequency that would scare off most, but they keep launching out into the deep to seek, serve, and illuminate…regardless of the everyday imperfections that accompany them.
We have to make the time.
Today is a mixed bag of work, run/cycling, and watching Ghostbusters at the K-State big screen. Some plans are fun, some – grim.
I have to make the time.
Still searching for the North Star.